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Attending a tangihanga — for non-Māori
Practical notes for attending a tangihanga as a non-Māori friend, colleague or family member. What to expect, what koha looks like, and what's appropriate.
Being invited or expected to attend a tangihanga as a non-Māori can feel uncertain — particularly if you've never been on a marae before. Here are some practical notes. The kaupapa varies by iwi, hapū and whānau, so when in doubt, ask the family directly.
What a tangihanga actually is
Tangihanga is the traditional Māori process of mourning, typically held over 3-5 days at a marae. The body lies in the wharenui (meeting house) and is never left alone — whānau, friends and visitors take turns sitting with the deceased throughout. There are formal ceremonial elements (whaikōrero, waiata, karanga) and long, unstructured stretches of being present together.
Koha
Koha is a financial contribution that supports the costs of the tangi — catering for several days of manuhiri, the marae itself, and other practical expenses. There is no fixed amount; whatever feels appropriate for your relationship and means is the right amount. Cash in an envelope, given quietly to a designated whānau member, is the typical form. NZ$50-200 per visitor or visiting whānau is a common range; close family or organisations may give more.
When you arrive — pōwhiri or call-on
Most tangihanga have a formal pōwhiri (welcome) at the start of the day for new arrivals; or if you arrive outside formal hours, you'll be 'called on' more informally. Either way, you'll be greeted at the entrance, and led to the wharenui or whare kai. Follow the lead of those organising — speech and silence both have their moments.
What to wear
Dark, formal, not flashy. Black is appropriate but not required; muted greys, navy and dark green are fine. Avoid bright colours and showy jewellery. If you have a pounamu, wear it.
What you should and shouldn't do
- Do speak softly, especially in the wharenui
- Do follow the family's lead on photography (default: don't take any unless invited to)
- Do eat the food offered in the whare kai — refusing is a small breach
- Don't sit on tables, lean on coffins, or step over people lying down
- Don't be in a rush to leave — the tangihanga unfolds in its own time